Smell is such powerful thing as it can bring back happy memories as well one that are not pleasant. For me the smell of roses are the most grounding and comforting as it reminds me of being a child and playing in the garden near the rose bushes. I used to spend allot of time there as a child the smell of the roses were so comforting and I felt free when I was in the garden.
However today I opened one my packages that arrived. I had been waiting for some oils for my fragrance lamp. I had ordered a black raspberry scent and two other oils. When I smelt the black raspberry my stomach immediately tightened and tears started form. I couldn’t even understand why I was reacting this way. Instead of putting the bottle down like I should of I sat there sniffing it because I couldn’t seem to part with it.
Well when it eventually did come to me about what was setting it all of I remembered it smelt like someone I used to be very close to. She was friend and one point was more then a friend. The oil smelt exactly way her hair would. I could never pin what that smell was until today.
The tightening of my stomach has gone but it’s left dull pain behind in its place. I feel pain coursing through my body in all other places as well . I can’t seem to part with bottle when I know I should.
The truth is though I am so angry at the way she treated me. Having all this time to reflect back and realise how manipulative she could be how stupid I was to let it happen angers me more. Though I am angry unfortunately deep down I miss her and want her back in my life.
I’m not sure weather this is because I feel I deserve the way she treated me or there another reason . All I know for sure is I’m stuck with this pain for today.
pink spiral 
Smell is the most powerful scent for me too. I like the fact you like the rose smell because that is my safe smell too thanks to Cat! Is this friend the one I’m thinking of? Lol you don’t know who I’m thinking of but you probably can guess as we are so often on the same wavelength. I can understand missing. When I moved out of the abusive ex housemates flat I missed her terribly. I’m not sure I have ever cried as much as I did. But you don’t deserve those sorts of toxic people in your life any more than I do. Those ‘types’ of friendships/relationships can make us feel comfortable and ‘safe’ as that is what we are used to but you don’t need to put yourself through that anymore. ((((hugs for the pain)))) xxxxx
Also you got me that Rose oil which is so fantastic thank you. It so helpful when I’m out and about because it is easy to carry plus I can just put it on my wrists. Yup I think you have guessed right it’s A lol. Love u being on the same wavelength as me. Thank you for sharing that makes me feel not so alone. I’m not sure if u remember but I lost that other friend at similar time and I haven’t cried as much. I think you have point about those types of friendships making you feel safe and comfortable when they shouldn’t because I can’t seem to let it go like the other one. Thank you so much and loads of hugs back xxxxx
Smells can be such a huge trigger. Most of my flashbacks are caused by smells. I’m sorry for your pain today.
Sorry to hear that most of your flashbacks are caused by smells 😦